how long can i wait?

its been over a week now and i still don’t have my test results.  the hardest part, right now, is not knowing.

i have a lot of questions without answers.

today was hard

i feel completely helpless.  i can’t get comfortable.  i should get the rest of my test results on monday.

pray for some relief from the pain and sleep.  i want to wake up rested.

no answer, just more questions

it’s not lupus!

so why don’t i feel better?  i’m still in pain and don’t know why.  no answers just means more tests.

it’s not that i wanted to have lupus, i just thought i had an answer that now could be addressed.

2 or 3 more day till i get the results.

thanks to all those praying for me and my family.  please pray for peace and clarity.

right now i’m ok…

…maybe because its not real yet.  because the words haven’t come from an expert.  or my parents and sister are freaked out enough.  i really don’t know.  but i do know there will be a day that i won’t be ok.

and if when you ask how i am i say, “i’m fine.”  please ask for more.

this tuesday

this tuesday is my appointment with the specialist.  the day it all becomes official.

pray for my sister she is taking this really hard. especially since she can’t be here.

the tests have begun

tuesday i went in to start the process of figuring out whats wrong.  blood and urine tests.  they dug and stabbed at my right arm and then figured it out on my left.  its torture trying to pee in a cup.

the doctor told me to avoid sun, stress and to much caffeine.  what else can i do during the summer?

at kaiser as soon as the results are in an email is sent to me that links online to my personal records, i can’t read them but i can see them.

3 items are flaged as abnormal or high.

now i wait to see the specialist who can tell me exactly what it all means.

pray for my parents they are having a harder time with this then me.

i might have…

that word might means nothing when it is followed by things we do not understand and can not control.

last tuesday before sandals staff meeting i was at the doctors.  i injured my wrist 2 years ago and had had flare ups in pain for months but nothing like the last 2 months.  it was so bad i couldn’t hold a pen let alone write with it.  i traded cars with my dad because the stick was becoming to painful.  and now i know how to use a computer mouse with my left so that i  can still work.  all that to say i thought it was the old injury.

3 weeks ago they took blood to test for arthritis.  last tuesday my result came back positive for arthritis commonly associated with lupus cases.

so now i am dealing with doctor who don’t take me seriously and i have to wait another week to start the process.

i’m a little frustrated and anxious to know what is going on with me.  i might have lupus… or i might not.

please pray for me.  i’m trying live day by day without worry, but its hard.